No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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