I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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