My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
