We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
