Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
