I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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