Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
