Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
