I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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