do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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