Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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