Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
