i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
