God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
