it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
