she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
