Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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