Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
