just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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