been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
