So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
