i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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