Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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