My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
