Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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