she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
