In the future we'll all be gay
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
