i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
