Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
