aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have tasted many bathrooms
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