Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
