i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
