I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
