My room smells like vodka and shame
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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