dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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