I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It's Friday. Sex?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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