please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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