oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
