Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Even my vagina gasped.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
