You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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