WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
