Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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