just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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