he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
