this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
