Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's rum buckets o'clock
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
