I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
