You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
