dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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