You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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