It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
