theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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