foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
