omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
